Lucy A. McLaren

It’s time for another counselling session, this time with my friend Zoe J. Walker’s Emperor Tarquinius Valerius Prisca. I’ve never given counselling to an emperor before… this could be interesting!

Read on for the session…

Assessment Form

Name: Emperor Tarquinius Valerius Prisca

Age: 327

Reason for seeking counselling: I am not sure what counselling entails but my new and rather strange acquaintance Claudia, recommended I talk to someone about my issues.

Have you tried counselling before?: No

How do you feel about being here?: Uncomfortable, we do not discuss personal matters, especially with strangers.

Do you have any goals for counselling?: Claudia suggested I begin with something simple, like I would like to be able to leave my home without panicking, and perhaps reduce my reliance on alcohol to get through the day.

Is there anything else you’d like me to know before your session?: I hear voices… and I experience episodes of rage. I have no friends. I drink to keep the voices quiet.

Counselling Session

Lucy: Hello, welcome to your counselling session. My name’s Lucy and I’ll be your counsellor today. First of all, what’s your preferred name to be called?

Tarquinius: Most Sacred Emperor, but I suppose for the purpose of this… session, you may call me Tarquinius.

L: Okay, Tarquinius, it’s nice to meet you. As you haven’t tried counselling before, I’ll just let you know how I work. I’m here to listen and to give you a space to work through whatever you want to. I know you said in your assessment form that you’re uncomfortable with the idea of being here, but you are here now and so perhaps you can see how you get on and whether anything does come up that you’d like to work through. I won’t judge you on anything at all, and anything you tell me will stay between us. Now, over to you. You said your acquaintance Claudia recommended you try counselling to talk about your issues. You mentioned a couple in your assessment form—panicking when you leave the house, reliance on alcohol… Tell me, where would you like to start?

T: I appreciate you taking the time and I should imagine you would not share this with anyone. If you did, I would have you fed to rabid dogs. No one must know of my weakness. That said, let us start with something relatively easy, I do not leave the palace. I have no need. The senate deal with the problems. I have, however had to leave recently and it has been the same each time. Even the mere thought has me breaking out in a sweat and tremors afflict my limbs. When I was forced to leave, I vomited on route to my destination. Luckily, I managed to not vomit in my litter, my slave’s feet were not so fortunate, however.

L: You can rest assured, everything will be confidential. It sounds as though you’ve been inside the palace for a long time with no need to leave. Now that you have left, you’ve found yourself overwhelmed with anxiety; you sweat and have tremors and vomit. That must be really hard for you. I wonder whether you could tell me if any specific thoughts or fears come to mind during these times of panic?

T: Grievous bodily harm. That is what comes to mind. Even the thought of leaving is enough to start the sweating and tremors, I even feel like a swallowed the fasces lictoriae and it is stuck in my throat. The wine doesn’t even move it but it helps the tremors at least. Why should I leave the palace anyway, I have my slaves, food for when I must eat, enough wine and my thoughts to help me to continue dig a deep pit of self-despair.

L: You believe that if you leave the palace, you will come to harm. You feel that, really, you could stay in the palace—you have people who will provide everything you require without you ever needing to set foot outside. But I also sense that to be a very isolated existence. You don’t necessarily need to go outside—but you’re allowed to want to.

T: In the past, I have been almost beheaded, stabbed more times than I can count and once locked in crypt for two years with no food or wine. Let us say, the people bear me no love so it is better if I stay inside the walls of my palace. It is isolated, but I need no one but my wife. Pluto will return her to me once I complete his task.

L: You’ve been through a lot, Tarquinius. Your feelings of fear at leaving the palace come from a place of past experience. You’ve had incredibly difficult, harrowing events happen to you. You mention your wife and say Pluto will return her to you once you complete his task. Do you mind me asking what happened to her?

T: She… died giving birth a long time ago. Do you know the story of Orpheus and Eurydice? It inspired my quest to the Underworld, where I made a bargain with Pluto. My wife in exchange for a minor task, nothing you need concern yourself with. Yet some people will not support me in this, going so far as to arm themselves against me. I obviously sent their souls down to Pluto in tribute for daring to stand between me being reunited with my beautiful wife. I curse those that still defy me, each and everyday.

L: I’m sorry to hear that. What an incredible loss for you to go through. It’s evidently something that has played a role in the decisions you’ve made ever since.

T: Every decision in the last three hundred years. I am haunted by nightmares of her death. It makes sleep almost impossible.

L: Three hundreds years. That’s a long time to be haunted with nightmares. To be isolated within your palace. It sounds incredibly lonely.

T: It is but it is for the best.

L: You feel it’s for the best that you remain hidden away, stay isolated and lonely. It’s evident that losing your wife had a huge impact on you and, ever since, you have struggled to function as you used to. You’ve made a bargain with Pluto to get your wife back in exchange for a minor task. It seems that you’re putting all your hopes in that succeeding and having your wife returned to you. I wonder—what might it mean for you if that didn’t happen?

T: Perhaps I downplayed the task. I … I must force the entire empire to leave the rest of the gods behind. The only god that now deserves our worship is Pluto. Unfortunately, there are some people who do not respect my ruling. Your other point, has actually just been made to me by Claudia. She suggested Pluto may renege on our agreement but I cannot contemplate it. That is the only thing I live for, the return of my wife. Without her, I am nothing. 

L: A huge task, and one that won’t be easy to undertake. You seem very focused on this being your only path and can’t even contemplate the idea that Pluto might renege on your agreement. You say without your wife, you are nothing. This has become the very thing for which you live. Yet you seem to have formed something of a relationship with Claudia—you’ve mentioned her a few times. I sense a small spark of something there; hope, perhaps, that you are not quite as alone as you thought you were.

T: If gods can break their promises, then where would we be. No, he must give her back to me. He must. When he does, there is only space for one woman by my side. Claudia is nothing to me, she will complete her job then leave. I cannot become attached to her. Can we focus on strategies to help me leave the palace? I do not plan to do so any time soon but if I must, I should like to do so without the attacks of panic. I have armed guards to reduce the risk of harm but it does nothing to help the tremors and the chills and vomiting.

L: Okay, so you’d like to have some tools to help you leave the palace. You’ve spoken about your panic attacks and how powerful they can be for you. I wonder if you could tell me whether there’s anything you’ve tried that has helped you when you’ve felt the panic and anxiety setting in.

T: Wine and my anger at my weakness helps but only to a point. I once closed myself in my litter and pretended the journey was not happening. Not very effective though.

L: Okay. You’ve got some coping mechanisms there but they aren’t the healthiest. The key is finding behaviours that help you and that you can keep practicing. An example would be a mindfulness technique called grounding, where you try to ground yourself in the present moment whenever you feel anxious or panicky—such as focusing on your body, how your feet feel against the ground, your hands on your lap and so on. Another type of grounding could be looking around you and telling yourself how many items of a certain colour or shape you can see. Another type of mindfulness is focusing on your breathing. This helps ground you too—counting your breaths in for four, then out for four, and repeating until you feel calmer. These might sound a bit odd, and they may feel difficult at first, but practicing can help. How would you feel about trying any of those? And don’t worry if you feel they’re not for you, there are so many different tools and technique out there—it’s about finding what works for you.

T: At this point, I am willing to try anything. They sound so simple but I see how they would give me something to focus on. I hate the feel of my body and do not wish to dwell on it but the search for colours and breathing I will attempt. My slave shall copy these suggestions down and he will remind me to practice. Shall we leave it there and I return to update you on my progress, if any?

L: Yes, if you’re happy to finish there then we can, Tarquinius. And please do let me know how you get on. We can always find other options if those aren’t for you. It was good to meet you. Take care.

T: Thank you. Of course, it was good to meet me, how often do you meet an Emperor of most of the known world. And I suppose it was nice to meet you too.