Lucy A. McLaren

It’s my pleasure to present an interview with the lovely A.M. Alcdeo whose debut, Of the Stars, released recently. As a fellow therapist, I had a great interest in learning more about Ava’s story, her writing process, and how her personal experiences have shaped her journey as a writer. Without further ado, here’s the interview!

Lucy: Hello! Thank you for joining me today for a chat about your journey to publication as a debut author.

First up, tell us a bit about yourself.

Ava: Hey there Lucy! 

Thank you so, so very much for having me! I love talking shop with others who are passionate about mental health, but writers who are also mental health providers are a really breed of bird that I love to spend time with! Of course, you know that, because we met in The Bookish Brain Babes group via Instagram! For our audience, The BBB is a niche support system and a lovely place of empowerment for mental health professionals who also publish.  

So if we’re talking the hats that I wear, I’m a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma, anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, & identity in ages 12+. I truly feel honored to hold sacred space for others. I’m also a wife to the kindest man in the galaxy, a parent to Pancake the calico, and a mother to a shit-ton of plants. I love Puh-erh tea, anything matcha flavored, birdwatching, illustrating, hiking to waterfalls, and getting new tattoos. And if we’re talking personality traits, I’m an Enneagram 4, an INFP, a Sagittarius sun, and a Gemini moon. 😀 

L: We certainly did meet in The BBB. I’m so glad to have been invited into it, I love being able to chat to fellow mental health professionals and authors! It’s great to get to know more about you (all of your interests resonate, in particular tattoos <3), especially because you work in similar areas to myself and are shortly to be releasing a fantasy book (my favourite genre).

Can you tell us more about your writing journey? How did it begin?

A: Well, I was sort of a weird, lonely, only child, and so I began writing around 11 as a way to busy myself and find an outlet for my creativity. But more importantly, that was when I began writing the characters and story that I felt I needed. And this story, Of the Stars, though it’s gone through countless titles and antagonists, and plot twists, it’s always been centered around the same two MCs and their likeness in pain and hope. I’ve always felt at home with them and have always felt motivation to finish their stories. 

My school library was one of my favorite places to hide away, and I was hungry for reading that made me feel less lonely, less isolated. While I found some of my most favorite stories and authors there (Neil Gaiman, Avi, Stephen King, Anne Rice, Thomas Harris, Shel Silverstein, R.L. Stine), it was also there that I realized how few stories there are that truly give justice to the grief and loneliness that comes with unavailable guardians. 

Now, I know there’s many books with orphaned and isolated main characters, a very common trope, in my opinion. But most of those stories seem to use that loss only as a springboard into a more exciting plot or big adventure. Which I can understand! This is what helps many novels stay commercial and kinetic and plot driven with a great empathetic hook. Thusly, this is why my book and writing is more character-based, seeing as it centers around emotional growth and grief, the epitome of a platonic slow-burn. Or perhaps, a coming-home-to-self slow burn. 

I feel that’s why few works actually acknowledge the deep pain, isolation, confusion, and process of grieving and rebuilding your identity that can come with that loss. And I don’t just mean from physiologically absent guardians, but emotionally, or mentally absent ones as well. I was so hungry for that sort of story as a kid, a teen, a young adult, and an established adult. And not many of those of those fast-paced adventures seemed to honor that. Because many of us who have experienced that loss, find it rarely feels like an adventure, or an opportunity for an exciting plot line.

It took me a long time to validate my own emotions and narrative enough to feel that this story was worth telling. But as I became more active in the mental health field as a new therapist, it was obvious that I wasn’t alone. So my novel and my writing really found its breath and voice in the years I held space for others, but also in the years I held space for myself doing my own intensive therapy. Aside from the main characters and even the antagonists who are all interwoven with strands of my heart strings, there’s several vignettes with my main character’s clients in the beginning of the book that reflect the various versions of self I personally experienced in my journey. 

I know that’s all a very niche focus of my writing journey via this one novel, but I’ve wondered if I only have this one novel in me. New plot ideas have been started in earnest, just to give them room to gallop and play, but I don’t know that any of them will hold my heart like Of the Stars. 

L: That’s amazing, Ava. It sounds as though Of the Stars has been (and continues to be) a deeply personal journey for you. I, too, value more character-focused stories and find far deeper meaning in those (though, of course, big adventures and exciting quests have their place too). You’ve noted that this was an important book for you to write because it has given you such a huge outlet in terms of your personal experiences growing up.

I wonder if there is also an element of wanting to provide that for readers who, like you, search for a character they can connect with in order to better understand their own feelings and experiences. Finding the ‘ideal reader’ comes into play when you start thinking about marketing your book, but can you tell me whether this has been something you’ve thought about prior to this point—even in earlier drafts of writing the book?

A: Absolutely. Ever since I was old enough to reflect on my littlest self’s experiences, I asked the question: am I the only one who feels this way?

And then as I dove into the mental health field, it was obvious that I wasn’t the only one. And that epiphany was what ultimately motivated me to dive into the publishing process. I tried to reflect that pursuit in my dedication: 

“For those who’ve ever felt utterly alone & unheard in the universe: You are here. You are alive. You matter. Your feelings are important.”

L: I love that quote and, you know, I completely agree. I feel there is something very powerful about stories, especially where they explore deeper aspects of the human experience including mental health struggles and trauma.

So, I’m interested to know in terms of your book, Of the Stars—where did you start with writing? You mention that you wanted to write a story that your younger self would have wanted to read, so was that feeling the starting point, or something else? Perhaps the story or characters themselves?

A: Oh I love a good origin story. 🤍 Essentially, yes, it was the feeling, the yearning for a father figure as a kiddo that fueled me to create strong, loving MMCs. I never really wrote romance, even as a teen, I always wrote deep friendship and father-daughter dynamics. I’ve always loved art and illustration, but I never felt confident in drawing people and characters. So I discovered writing fiction in empty journals. Around 11, I was given a laptop. But seeing we had no internet in our trailer, the options were either play Minesweeper, or make up fantasy worlds. I also destroy loved that I could password protect my writing. 😅

Going back even further in time, my grandmother was a devout Catholic, and when I was young, she’d talk to me about the different angels and archangels. I remember being enamored by the thought that I was always being listened to, and always being loved, even when I couldn’t see them. It seemed like a particularly sad, isolating existence for angels in my young opinion. But I found a way to combat my loneliness as a small only child latchkey kid by talking to my “guardian angel.” Thinking of who he was and what he was like ultimately led me to write my first official “character,” aka Dexteras Doe. 

Back in the days when I was drowning in the query trenches, I noticed an interesting trend amongst literary agents. They were posting their “anti-MSWLs” aka, what they would never want on their manuscript wishlists from querying authors. “Angels and demons” was a common theme on those lists. I know those stories are aplenty and overflowing in the slush piles, but I can’t help but extend the commiserating Katniss Everdeen finger-kiss in solidarity for those writers and readers. I like to imagine that many of them, like my littlest self, found a muse in the idea of being seen and loved in isolating circumstances. And those are the sorts of people I wrote “Of the Stars” for. And while no, my novel is not about angels or demons by any means, I do believe I owe my littlest self some credit for her hope in the celestial and fantastical 💫

L: Aw I love that you wrote stories so young. Do you still remember what any of them were about?

I also love how much you’ve written this story for your younger self. I’m a big advocate for inner child work and it really does sound like Of the Stars has been a healing journey for you in writing it.

You mentioned being in the query trenches—could you tell us a bit more about that journey? What was the timeline like for you from writing, to querying, to ultimately deciding to self-publish?

A: Haha it’s funny you should ask, because my mom actually just gave me a couple old OLD stories she’s collected since I was young. One was at age seven, A Day Among the Lilypads, an illustrated story of a queen frog who went to the ends of the earth to acquire her favorite flower, Queen Anne’s lace. The other, written around age nine was The Littlest Cowgirl (I was raised on a cattle ranch and have been riding horses since I was very small). It was one of those Black Beauty or The Horse Whispereresque stories about children overcoming a feral animal’s fight or flight response with love alone 🤣 Adorable and so, so dangerous.  

In my adolescence, I wrote about angels and demons, werewolves, vampires, and countless other cryptids. A dear high school friend of mine (who is still a bestie to this day and was the first person to read Of the Stars), was in AP English with me and we’d exchange notebooks and alternate writing chapters for one another’s fantasy tales. 

Ahh, the query trenches (I still get a mild twitch in my eye at the mere thought 😅). I queried for probably about two years to over 150 publishing houses and literary agents, I’d reckon, if not more. I had full requests and lots of interest and my query package was crisp, but ultimately what seemed to get in the way of representation was the novel’s misfit tropes and its inability to fit in with the book world’s current trends. It wasn’t YA, a retelling, a romance, a cryptid love triangle, nor was it commercial. It was slow, character based, and heavy. The querying process did keep my book in a constant state of betterment, however. That was a time when I was fervently reading, researching, studying the craft, and devouring books that were being published by my favorite houses and agents. I learned so much in that time and am earnestly grateful for what it taught me. I truly felt like a professional at the end of that journey and it toughened my skin for self publishing and editing. Despite major edits and plotline improvements, I was tired, and probably left Of the Stars, (at the time entitled Sidereus, I believe) stagnant in my head, my heart, and my hard drives for over a year. It was a time of healing, of assessing, of determining if it was truly what I wanted, self publishing. I knew the likelihood of returning to traditional was close to nil after I crossed that threshold. But, near the end of 2021, started researching self publishing. Intensively. Shortly thereafter, I started my Instagram page and began seeking out writing friends, readership, and amazing support systems. And the rest is history! Of the Stars published last month, 09/15/23. I haven’t looked back since and still haven’t regretted the choice to self publish. It’s been so empowering and humbling in the best of ways.

L: Ahh that’s amazing to still have stories you wrote when you were a child. They both sound wonderful, I must say.

As someone who is currently querying, my eye twitch empathises with yours haha. Publishing trends and tastes are so subjective. To me, your book sounds fantastic and I can’t wait to read it (it’s on my Christmas list!).

Ultimately, though, it seems that you learned a lot from the querying process and it gave you the opportunity to really polish Of the Stars to be the best version of itself. I can completely appreciate, however, that need to rest for a while before you pursued self-publishing—querying takes a lot from you, and editing and rewrites take their share of mental energy. Self-publishing seems to be an avenue that has sharply risen in popularity for a lot of authors, and there are so many (yourself included, I would confidently say) doing a fantastic job at it. What do you think was the ultimate draw to self-publishing for you?

A: The draw to self publishing was ultimately bringing my novel to readers in its fullest form, without influence from trends and markets. I had a very specific vision for the artwork, the font, the typeset, for my characters, and for the language I used to bring them to life. It’s prosey and emotional and deep at times, but I wanted my readers to feel as though they, too, have a relationship with my characters. I want each reader to feel seen and validated. To feel empowered. I want my novel to be a safe space for the full spectrum of emotion and deep mental work and the fast-paced commercial world of traditional publishing often doesn’t value that. So, I wrote Of the Stars slowly, with intention, with purpose, at my own speed, and with the hope to care for my readers from cover to cover. 

L: That’s wonderful, Ava. It’s evident how much this book means to you and how much you want readers to resonate with the characters and journeys they go on. Looking back on the self-publishing journey, what’s been the most enjoyable aspect? And the least? Is there anything you wish you’d have known going into it?

A: I loved seeking out and finding my cover artists! My dust jacket of Dex falling from the stars was done by @psart75 on Insta, and my hardcover laminate beneath the dust jacket was done by @flauart who also did portraits of Dex, Norah, Solus, and Cecil. I followed his work for years before reaching out, it was like a dream. Seeing them bring my characters to life was nothing short of magical and had me teary-eyed throughout! 

I also really enjoyed connecting with other self publishers on Instagram. I’ve made such amazing friends there and learned so so much because of their love and wisdom. I’d be lost without my #writingcommunity posse. 

My least favorite part has been marketing, though I do love reaching more readers and am so so overwhelmed by every post, reel, review, and DM I see from readers who loved Of the Stars. Each interaction makes me smile from ear to ear. 

If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself to start my writing Insta sooner, and to drum up more kinesis and noise about Of the Stars prior to its release. My fear of it failing and my anxiety about releasing it kept me quiet, but I won’t make that mistake again when/if another book comes down the pike!

L: That’s awesome. You built invaluable friendships (and I know how much those mean, as a fellow author) and learnt a lot in this process. I think that’s a great place to wrap up.

So, can you tell us where to follow you and keep updated with your wonderful work?

A: Lucy, it was an absolute pleasure and honor to speak with you about my journey and process. Thank you endlessly for your support of indie authors and their stories!!!

You can follow me for updates on my writing (I’m presently drafting another grounded fantasy standalone), special editions of Of the Stars (limited sprayed edges coming soon!!!), and my amblings amidst the authorship journey on Instagram @writemindedlefthanded and TikTok @authoravamaealcedo

I so appreciate you and your readers for supporting self-published and indie authors alike and helping us to find our readership. 

Wishing all of you the most beautiful of TBRs,

A.M. Alcedo